Alouette

Basal 80th, 1042

They may have downplayed how bad the caves were; just a bit! They’d expected the ‘hallucinations’ they’d heard about to be…well, a mild inconvenience. Compared to Refuge’s ‘dangerous mindless wolves that will maul you’, Seiche’s ‘I’ll drown you in a violent ocean storm’, and Remedy’s ‘get violently ill and die immediately’ proximities…well, they had expected…less, of hallucinations. Hallucinations didn’t sound like something deadly, just annoying. Or even cool! Fillip was the God of Art and Science, so surely whatever visions she gave them would be full of beauty.

They regretted thinking that now.

Since she was the Quasar, Clover had been less affected by Remedy, and like they expected, she was fine now too, doing better than they or Kuiper were.

So it stood to reason that Aspen probably could handle the God of Art and Science! He was a smart guy, it’d be a great fit! But Aspen was still adamant about not hosting a God, as if he didn’t trust Alouette, which was rude, but ultimately, mortals had free will and all…but it would’ve been a lot easier to have him here.

Kuiper obviously wasn't doing so hot. He was quiet, so it was hard to tell what he was thinking. He kept stopping, looking at the crystals on the ground of the cave which seemed to grow in size and density the further in they went, sparkling in every color. His eyes were glazed over.

Alouette’s sense of balance was way off, and Clover kept having to grab their arm so they didn’t fall over. It was like the caves themselves were alive, spinning around and flashing colors across their vision, like flowers exploding into bloom. Loudly. Along with a high-pitched ringing that made it hard to even hear what Kuiper and Clover were saying.

Alouette was afraid his brain may hemorrhage before they reached Fillip, and Clover had asked Kuiper to turn back no less than six times, getting shut down each time. Alouette was hardly doing better and they didn’t want to die, either, but they were close; they knew they were so close.

Butterflies inexplicably fluttered across their vision, and they smiled. Fillip’s animal representatives were insects, butterflies and moths especially were her favorite.

“Ash!” Fillip’s sweet voice greeted them, like windchimes and twinkling bells.

“Alouette,” they corrected her gently. “Thank goodness we’ve reached you.”

“I’m happy to see you, too! And Alouette, what a beautiful name! Come here,” she said, pulling them into a hug. Her elemental body was composed of sparkling crystals, rainbow and lovely. They didn’t cut into Alouette at all, somehow. She held them tenderly, and they could have cried. This was the warm reception they’d been hoping for when they had released the other Gods; Smart and kind Fillip, she always knew better than anyone exactly what was needed.

“Fillip, you’ve been trapped. I’ve come to help you,” they explained, pulling away. “I didn’t think I’d ever reach you…”

“Trapped? No, no, I was having such a wonderful dream, though…must I leave it?”

“You already have. See, I’ve brought a…mortal for you to…” they trailed off, looking around. Kuiper was gone. Clover was gone, too. “...This is a hallucination, isn’t it? Crap. I’m probably out on the ground right now, aren’t I? Fillip, you’re gonna kill me, you need to let me wake up–”

“Sleep is the domain of Glacier, I’m not making you sleep! We’re sharing a consciousness right now; I’m giving you inspiration!”

“I can’t handle your Divine inspiration, and mortals especially can’t! Wait, you remember their names? The Sol and Lunar God’s?”

“They can ask anyone besides me to forget; you know Knowledge is my domain above all else. I know most everything, and am capable of discovering what I don’t,” she mused. “Your new form is simply precious; it’s been what, a hundred years? Last I saw you, you were a golden birdie. Yet another layer has been added–”

“I think you might be mistaking dreams for memories,” Alouette sighed. Of course. Of course the Sol and Lunar Gods would block off the smartest of them from being able to discern reality; what a cruel joke, letting them get their expectations so high, only to crush them.

She blinked, her crystalline eyelashes making clinking sounds against her jagged gemstone cheeks. They blinked in time with her, and they woke up to Clover screaming their name.

“I thought you were dying!” She was pulling on their arm desperately, so roughly they thought it might pop out of their shoulder socket. “We need to get you and Kuiper out of here, I don’t think we can do anything right now, not with how bad it is in here.”

“But I talked to her, she’s so close…she’s a little confused, but she’ll come with us, if I could talk to her a little longer,” Alouette said.

“Were you? It looked like you just passed out. and, um, you’re bleeding,” she pointed out. What? Were they? They reached a hand up, and sure enough, there was blood all over their face, from their nose, and their mouth, and…their eyes?

“Eugh, gross,” they groaned. They were sure they’d leaked out more blood in the past month than they had their entire life. “Kuiper?”

“Here,” he muttered, sitting a few feet back in the direction they’d come in from. “It gets worse the further down we go. Over here I’ve got a headache, but once I reached where you are, I passed out, too. Clover had to drag me back. Without her we’d both be dead.”

“I could go ahead and try to talk to her alone,” Clover offered. “See, I’m not affected at all.” She held up her hand, her Cachet gleaming. Right, because the Sol and Lunar Gods cherished mortals more than they cherished Alouette. They let out a muffled sigh into their hands, smearing their own blood on their hands in the process. It wasn’t Clover or Aspen’s faults, but they were jealous. They shouldn’t be struggling so much!

“Hey, can I ask…why are you getting sick, too?” Kuiper asked. The headlamp he wore was swirling, morphing into a butterfly.

Alouette frowned. “Huh?”

“You have said, several times, that you guys can’t affect each other with your powers,” Kuiper clarified.

“I..it’s something to do with this vessel, I’m sure, I–” violet spots exploded in their vision and they let out a hiss of pain. Clover and Kuiper were gone again, Fillip in front of them. She leaned over them, concern clear on her face.

“Are you upset about something?” She frowned. “Why? Are things not going the way you hoped?”

“It doesn’t matter if I stopped the Quasar cycle, if you kill me by overloading my brain right now, I might never be able to free Frond, and yes, I’d say that would be the opposite of what I want!”

“Kill? Goodness, I couldn’t kill you, you should know that. But, ah, if you’re freeing us, what about the mortals?”

“...What do you mean, ‘what about the mortals’?”

“Last time we spoke…” she tilted her head. “Oh, but it’s a different you, now, so I guess you could have changed your mind…” She had never been exactly forthcoming, or bothered to articulate her thoughts in a way that didn’t leave them puzzled, from what little they remembered about her. Her mind tended to work faster than her mouth did, but they were especially bewildered now.

“Fillip, you’re speaking in riddles and I don’t know what you mean; can you please just let me get to you without dying so I can put you in a vessel? Like I was trying to say earlier, I’ve got one willing with me; we can talk all you want after that!”

“The solution here seems simple; you need more inspiration? Goodness, what have you been doing in this cycle that’s left you so inexperienced with your own abilities?”

“What–” they woke again with a jolt. Clover was over them; they were in a different spot than they had been previously, her hands on their chest. Her eyes were blazing amber. Remedy had shocked them back to reality, probably had repaired whatever was making their brain feel like a melting cup of gelato. The cave was still spinning violently.

“We’re leaving,” she said, deadly serious. “There’s no sense risking you dying, and you’re scaring the mortals, mumbling and seeing things that aren’t there–”

“It’s Fillip! I’m talking to her! We just need to–”

“We’re leaving,” Kuiper repeated Remedy, a firm hand on their arm. He also looked pretty bad, blood smeared across the lower half of his face. Maybe their idea of ‘brain melting’ wasn’t so far off.

Fillip’s Divine power of Inspiration was flowing thick as honey here; cloying and choking them. Art and Science were her twin domains, equally beautiful and frightening. Alouette stared down the cave that was dark, glittering with bioluminescent algae in stagnant pools of water, and crystals that shone with Fillip’s power.

They were struck very suddenly with an idea; an insane, assuredly bad idea, but one they thought they could pull off.

Kuiper and Clover would never go for it if they asked.

But they could feel where Fillip was. If they were fast enough…

“Clover? You’ve got your Wonderworking Wand, don’t you?”

“Um, yeah, but– look, we really should leave for now– Remedy and Kuiper are right, you’re gonna kill yourself trying to get to her.”

“And River’s been teaching you to use scarlet Thauma, right? Well, put a protective shield around me and Kuiper, please,” they requested, pretending she hadn’t said anything.

“I don’t know if that’ll stop hallucinations-”

“But it’ll keep us alive long enough to get to her!” They picked her up and tossed her over their shoulder, then did the same with Kuiper. “I suggest you hurry!”

Clover let out a yelp and Kuiper went stiff with surprise. They pulled a strong wind from the entrance of the cave, strong as a hurricane, and shot forward, flying down the cave as fast as they could with their eyes shut. The world still spun, but if they couldn’t see it, they could focus on Fillip’s presence alone. Clover was letting out a muffled scream on their shoulder, and they felt her send out a wave of scarlet Thauma, and the world spun a little less. It didn’t help all that much in the long run, not as much as they’d hoped for.

“She’s not experienced enough to use it for long!” Kuiper yelled.

“I know, we’re almost there!” they opened their eyes for a split second and then the ground was hurling towards them, bright and full and blue–

Blue?! No-! They were hurtling through the sky, all alone, clouds rushing up to meet them–

–They landed roughly against crystals, jagged and cutting into their forearms. Clover and Kuiper had a rough landing, too, thrown a few feet in front of them. But they were moving, Clover desperately trying to cast more scarlet Thauma. It looked like she’d used all of it in one burst. Kuiper had cobalt in his staff since he was a guard, but what good could fighting do right now?

“I-I thought I could make it, I’m sorry–” they blurted out. “But we’re close–”

They looked down, the cuts on their skin flickering from rust-colored blood to gold Thauma running down their arms. They stood up, stumbling back. One of their wings was bent and it sent a sharp jolt of pain up their spine. Each heartbeat caused the setting around them to change; one moment they were in the cave, the next they were falling into the floor which had turned into a murky swamp, the next they were back in the Upper Realm, the Sol God smiling down at them, murmuring praises, and the next Clover was screaming something unintelligible at them.

“Fillip,” they gasped, “Fillip, stop!” They felt themselves growing warmer, so hot it almost burned. They couldn’t catch their breath, feeling frantic to escape. She didn’t know what she was doing, but that didn’t change the fact they were hurting. “Fillip, let me out, let me out of this nightmare right now, or I’ll–”

“No! Don’t go doing that, it’s too soon! I know your cycles were always unpredictable, but I’ve barely gotten to speak with this you!”

“What-?!”

“They…you said you unsealed the other Gods; they didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?!” they yelled. When they blinked, Clover was grabbing one of their arms, Kuiper had a grip on the other. They tried to thrash out of their grip, escaping being yelled at. They were so much stronger than mortals that they threw them both off with ease. “Stop-! I don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t–”

Clover and Kuiper were gone again before they could finish, Fillip grasping their cheeks in her hands. Why were her hands so hot? It felt like she was going to melt their skin off–

“They were too busy hating me to tell me anything!” they jerked away from her and curled in on themself. “They were so mad, but I didn’t do anything…will you please at least explain what cycle you mean before you have me seize out entirely, Fillip?!”

Alouette felt their cheeks growing wet. Their head hurt so bad.

“No! Don’t cry…I’m sure your last cycle was trying to help, and I’m sure no one holds the actions of the one before that against you, little nesting doll–”

Flickers of strange scenes flashed around them. A woman who was rugged from travel laughed with them, debating pen-names. A carpenter explaining schematics for a temple, they were requesting modifications– Frond? They swore they saw Fond Peter, Harvest God of Victuals, soft voice rough from pleading, his calloused hands pressing against a coffin, they had seen him get sealed–

“Alouette, calm down!” Kuiper was still screaming at them. His arms were all clawed up– had they done that? No– no, they wouldn’t have hurt him, not even on accident– “Clover, we need Remedy again–”

Their world spun and they were in front of a pool of water, the world tipped on its side. Just where the glowing algae parted, they saw something in their reflection. There, a silhouette of a bright and blazing bird, glowing gold inside their rib cage. Them. It was Ash Rossingol more than Alouette of Fawn Creek. It was true their real form was up in the Upper Realm: the Sol and Lunar Gods had shoved their spirit out of it and they’d fallen to this realm in their elemental form, just as the other Gods had.

But as they were wracked with an immeasurable amount of Fillip’s Inspiration, they realized something.

Something so painfully simple, they had to laugh at not realizing it sooner.

What was ‘temporary’ or ‘permanent’ when their domain was Transformation? Absolutely nothing.

They reached inwards, shoving their hands deep in their core as if they were made of liquid to grab that bird– their very soul, their entire being within this vessel. They weren’t sure if they were actually doing it or if it was a part of the hallucinations. It didn’t matter, because they were using their Divinity on it and the body regardless. They squeezed it and it crackled gold.

Their body hurt, but only for a brief moment.

When they opened their eyes after they calmed down, Kuiper and Clover were staring at them.

They weren’t being plagued with hallucinations anymore. They walked over, hauling Kuiper to his feet with ease.

“Neither of you are blinded, are you?” they asked, looking over the two of them. “Remedy can heal your wounds, can’t she? I apologize for that, and thank you for trying to help…I wasn’t doing so well, but it’s fine now.”

“No–! It’s not fine! What was that?!” Clover asked, completely overwrought. “You just– you just–”

“Well, it’s a little dumb, but I thought about it, and It’s true my real body is in the Upper Realm, and this is a temporary one; but what if I…simply…transformed this one into a permanent one, a more durable one? I’ve already modified it pretty heavily, but I never realized how far I could go. But I mean– you know. God of Transformation and all, so,” they rolled their wrist, gesturing to themself.

They’d been successful. This body, for better or worse, was permanent now. And that meant it wasn’t affected by Fillip’s influence, or any of the other God’s for that matter, since it was no longer just a mortal vessel. They were the first God to actually walk in their true form among the mortals; and hey, neither of them were being driven mad or getting their eyes seared out! That was obviously a win. They couldn’t help but laugh.

“I bet Fillip’ll have theories about what’ll happen to my old body back in the Upper Realm! I’m really excited to hear what she’ll think, she’s gonna have a field-day–”

“I–I think I’m going to pass out again,” Kuiper murmured.

“Oh! I’m so sorry, come here,” they hauled him up to the largest crystal, practically dragging him, and smacking their palm against it. Gold and red blood smeared against it. “I’m fairly sure she’s in here, can I have your hand? Unless you’re having doubts, which, ahah, this would be a very last minute and bad time for that, considering what a pain that was to get here, but–”

“And she’s okay with this? With me? You asked her?” Kuiper’s voice was quiet, strained.

No, Alouette hadn’t, not really. Knowing Fillip, she’d see it as a fun experiment. Even if she minded, they weren’t giving her a choice; they’d drag her out of her own dreams if they had to. It was for her good and the mortal’s. They pressed their hand to the crystal, offering the other to Kuiper.

“Yes, give me your hand,” Alouette demanded. Kuiper still looked uneasy, holding his hand to his chest. “Wait, You’re seriously having second thoughts?” Alouette asked. “No one is forcing you, but it’d just be temporary! It’s not gonna be long until we go get Frond, and I bet if– when we unseal everyone, the Sol and Lunar Gods will be a little more inclined to have a conversation–”

“They already tried speaking to Aspen and nearly killed him, I don’t know how safe that is,” Clover said, as if that was relevant at all. She looked perturbed, shaky on her feet. Why? They thought she wasn’t affected by the hallucinations…

Kuiper was playing with his own braid, running his fingers along the end like a nervous habit. He wasn’t looking Alouette in their eyes; it was rare to be able to read Kuiper so easily, normally he was such a rock, constant and stoic.

That was fine. Wonderful, even. This whole thing had been such a thankless chore, so they weren’t surprised Kuiper wasn’t leaping and tripping over himself to agree. Were they even mortals if they weren’t being as difficult as possible? They exhaled loudly, throwing their hands up.

“Great, well, thank you for nothing!”

“Alo–” Clover tried.

“No! We give and give and give to all of you, I would bleed myself dry for you, would throw myself out of the Upper Realm for you, but forbid it that we ask for one tiny thing in return! I’ve always been as honest as I could possibly be, and so helpful, and this is how I get treated? I can tell exactly what you’re thinking: What if the Sol and Lunar Gods are right, somehow? That all of the minor Gods are all too wild and scary and should be put away?”

“Well after what you just did-” Clover yelled, but they cut her off with a hysterical laugh.

“What, gave you both a few scrapes on accident while I was literally seeing things?! Is that the big problem, Clover?! The thing is, I’m not the one who forcibly possessed anyone, dragged them bloody through the desert! I didn’t stab Azaleon! I brought Remedy to him to fix him! Got Seiche in Azaleon so Aspen couldn’t just dispose of him! I’m the reason Clover realized what Juniper did, and that she’s the Quasar, and I’m going to be the one to fix that, too! All I’m asking is for you to hold Fillip for a short time, to help her, and you won’t? You’re all so ungrateful! What can I do to convince you?!”

They scrubbed at their tears– liquid gold and sparkling like their Thauma, their voice hitching.

“Please, please, Kuiper, I don’t want to leave her here–”

“Don’t beg,” Kuiper said, squeezing his own eyes shut. “My head is killing me. I just needed a minute.” He and Clover exchanged a look, and Clover’s breaths were coming out in little hiccups– why was she crying?

“I’m out of scarlet. Gotta make a choice fast,” she said to Kuiper, her voice barely audible. Clover still wouldn’t meet Alouette’s eyes either, talking to Kuiper only. Alouette doubted scarlet Thauma would help them if they were this close to Fillip in the first place; Kuiper was still probably seeing things, at risk of passing out. Which is why this long indecision was torture for them!

“If you’re going to say no just do it already so I can know something and get you both out,” Alouette said finally, taking a deep breath. “I can’t believe you’re going to say no because of a few scratches–”

“Gods, we’re not worried about that! We’re freaked out because you just ripped out your heart and lit it on fire! What in the world is wrong with you?!” Clover screamed. She held her hand up defensively, Cachet on fire with golden light. Her eyes flashed a bright amber, and for a moment, all of the sand and dirt around her seemed to rise up before falling down in a cloud.

What was that? And they what…?

They swallowed, looking down. Dark red blood and bright gold were smeared across their chest and under their sharp fingernails, all the way up to their forearm.

They had seen it a little differently than Clover and Kuiper had. Well, that was just because of the hallucinations, wasn’t it? Their gaze flickered back to Kuiper, eyes narrowing.

“So you’re gonna refuse because you’re suddenly squeamish?”

“You–” Clover started. Kuiper interrupted her, thrusting his hand out and keeping his gaze down.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Alouette asked, hopefully.

“Do it.” Kuiper offered. Alouette grabbed his hand tightly, their own hand shaking. They didn’t know what they would have done if he hadn’t offered himself willingly, and that scared them.

“Thank you,” they whispered, their voice hoarse. And Clover, blessedly, didn’t try to argue; she just wrapped her hands around herself, backing up to give them space to work.

They had to really yank at Fillip; she was stubbornly trying to stay inside of her dream. But they pulled her out, and Kuiper stumbled back, pupils violet. It was a lot smoother than inserting any of the other Gods had been, and for as much as they’d struggled to reach Fillip, wasn’t that a relief?