Aspen

Basal 73rd, 1042

“And where exactly have you been? Clover pulling a vanishing act days ago was a surprise, but you? You better have a good explanation,” Aspen snapped. Alouette opened their mouth, but Aspen held a finger up in their face. “No. I want to speak to my guard alone.” Alouette promptly shut their mouth, looking between the two of them. Azaleon gave them a small nod, and Alouette trudged out, looking like a kicked dog. Aspen just kept glaring at Azaleon, waiting on him to explain himself.

He’d seen the two of them arrive from the window of the inn this morning. He’d even allowed Kuiper to be the one to go out and talk to Azaleon first, as he thought was a spouse’s right. ‘Talk’ probably wasn’t the right word; Kuiper had looked unhappy, to put it lightly. He’d given Azaleon five minutes after he’d seen Kuiper come back in the inn– alone, still looking angry– before he’d gone to confront Azaleon in his room at the healing center.

“We solved two problems in one go!” Azaleon started. “We unsealed another one of the Gods, and, according to Alouette, my eye color is different yet again thanks to it, so them being green is no longer a concern.”

And yes, he was right, now that Aspen looked. Clover’s eyes had a strangely orange center to them now, the exact shade of amber Thauma, and Azaleon’s eyes likewise had a sharp cobalt blue center where they should be dark, glowing and making the ring of green around them appear more teal.

As if that was any less conspicuous than having green eyes. They’d barely been able to hide Alouette’s huge wings from the stares of strangers, throwing a blanket over them and saying it was a backpack under there, along with other lame, half-baked excuses Aspen was embarrassed to have repeated. The fact the God of Transformation couldn’t just…transform them away or something was stupid, in Aspen’s opinion.

It was just stupidity after stupidity lately.

“You don’t get to run off and decide to do that yourself! You clearly don’t take your job seriously at all or respect me as your superior. Why are you really here? Did the king send you to spy on me?”

“No! I just wanted to meet you– to help you however I could,” Azaleon tried. Aspen scoffed, walking over and slamming the door shut. He didn’t want to be interrupted for this conversation. Azaleon tensed, like he’d expected Aspen to leave. Aspen took a seat on the bed nearest the window, gesturing for Azaleon to sit on the bed across from him near the wall.

River had made the comment that Azaleon had more than his father’s eyes; Aspen could see his father in the curve of his jaw, in the way he held himself. It was obvious, when one was looking for it, even without the green eyes. He wondered if he was also a mirror image of their lineage. Ugh. The thought of it made Aspen’s skin crawl. Kuiper had answered some of Aspen’s questions– but had said some were for Azaleon to explain. He’d at least told Aspen the relation was ‘half-brother’. Not a vaguely distant cousin, like Aspen had been hoping for. ‘Brother’ was too close for Aspen’s liking.

And what was worse was that no one else seemed too surprised, except maybe Clover; but she’d had her own nasty surprises to grapple with, enough to fill years of therapy with. So he allowed her and her only to chat with him about Azaleon at length like a gossiping schoolgirl, because it seemed to distract her. …He just didn’t want to see her cry again.

He let Azaleon’s half-assed excuse hang in the air for almost a full minute, fixing him with a hard unbroken stare, before responding.

“I don’t buy it. If only because I know my Father. He wouldn’t have risked letting you near me if he didn’t gain something from it, regardless of what you wanted. So explain to me why he’d allow this to happen. I’ll listen to whatever excuses you want to try, but it had better be the truth. I didn’t have to wait to hear you out before I contacted him first, so I deserve that much for that alone.”

Azaleon took a deep breath, and took a few moments to gather his thoughts.

“It’s more about what he stood to lose. He had…plans for me. I told him if he didn’t let me do this, I’d never go along with those plans willingly.”

Aspen looked expectant. “Well, tell me those ‘plans’.” Truthfully, there was a part of him that didn’t want to know. He wanted to stubbornly dig his heels in and double down on treating Azaleon as just another guard, and continue hoping he’d quit in a month, like the others had– but he, unfortunately, was too much of a realist to be that hopeful.

“You understand this stays between us, right? And Kuiper also knows, but only because he and I don’t keep secrets, but–”

“Yes yes, you’re sappy, I get it. Tell me already.”

“I was an accident, before you were born. Everyone who visits Cheytell stays in the inn my mother works at. It’s a nice one, a bit famous.” Aspen was aware. He was also acutely aware that everytime his father took the trip there, he always had a reason why Aspen couldn’t come with him. “I’m…sure you’re not ignorant that the Queen and King are together mostly in title only, that on his trips, he would…”

“Yes, I understand as much,” Aspen muttered. His father’s affairs were common knowledge, at least in the upper circles.

“My mother got pregnant from a single encounter with him, and didn’t tell him. I’m sure if she had, he’d have asked her to terminate. Three years later, he visited again and, well…he put the pieces together once he heard about a child with a ‘genetic mutation that mimics royal green eyes’. She never told anyone the truth, and he wanted to keep it that way. He sent her anything she wanted in exchange for her continued silence, and she saw it as an opportunity to provide the best life for me. I knew, once I got around ten and my mother requested I start using gold Thauma to change my eye color to hers, that it wasn’t just a genetic mutation. You’d been born…three years before?” he smiled fondly. “I never got to meet you, of course, not back then, but I met Saros, once, around the time she got engaged. She was nice, and I thought it’d be nice if the three of us could be friends.”

“Really,” Aspen said flatly. “That’s funny, because while you were gone, I went down to the communications center in town and looked up your records in the royal database. I have access to nearly all of the files, so I can check the backgrounds of people around me when the mood strikes, or when one of my guards decides to desert in the middle of the night.”

Azaleon had the decency to flush red at being caught lying. Good. Aspen had had a mild heart attack once he’d read Azaleon had a record of teenage delinquency, things that would certainly disqualify anyone else from a job in the guard. No perfectly content person would be lighting things on fire and picking bloody fights with politicians for fun.

Kuiper had come with Aspen, and he hadn’t tried to deny as much was true, but had clarified Azaleon hadn’t gotten in trouble for years. Like that soothed any of Aspen’s worries at all. Kuiper had told him Azaleon would be back, though, and had been right about that. So perhaps Aspen was inclined to want to believe the obviously more sensible of the two. For everyone’s sake. Because he wasn’t alone, and had to consider everyone in their little travel group, not just his own wants and needs, as inconvenient as that was.

“Okay, maybe there was a tiny bit of resentment. But I swear to you, most all of the resentment I had was…it wasn’t for you, it was for Alder, who I knew would treat you just as poorly as he did me. Just…in a different way. He sees us all as tools. You, as a means to spread propaganda that the Sol God favors his kingdom. Your sister as a bargaining chip to strengthen our relationship with Lacus Mare.” Azaleon scowled. “Then, when I was sixteen he approached me and told me I was to act as a backup.”

“A…backup? No, they’d never put a bastard child on the throne. No offense, but I know him.” Azaleon didn’t seem bothered by how bluntly Aspen put it.

“Oh, not me,” Azaleon laughed, but it was tinged with bitterness. “Gods forbid that. No, the king was well past his prime, and the Queen had struggled with your birth as it was. They just needed a seed donor, one who carried the green eyed gene, and a surrogate. Naturally, they’d call the child a miracle child, saying it was theirs, and I’d never get to meet them.”

“So he expects that I’d fail at the Quasar Ceremony? After all the training he put me through?” That was a tough pill to swallow. His entire life, he’d been working so hard, being pushed to his limits. He was one of the youngest people in history to be licensed in every single type of Thauma. He considered himself the most qualified Quasar to ever exist. He’d spent countless hours of his life at the altar in the Sol God’s temple, praying without answer. If he was actually the Lunar God’s champion, he supposed never getting an answer made sense, now. Still. Aspen’s whole life had centered around the Quasar Ceremony.

“He wanted a contingency plan. That’s why Kuiper and I had to keep our relationship a secret. No matter that the hypothetical child would never meet me, I could only have a partner he approved of, he couldn’t risk me getting too close to anyone and spilling his secrets or having a child without his say. It was always a matter of control. Oh, and that’s why I don’t have an Eventidian accent; I had speech training!” He finished his little speech by shaking and waving his hands excitedly, downplaying the horrific implications with a bright smile. “My mother thought the accent would make it hard to get a job if I wanted to live somewh–”

“Oh for the love of– why would you think that would be what I cared about?” Aspen interrupted.

“I don’t know. If nothing else, I wanted to give you a full explanation so you wouldn’t have any questions. And ideally I’d like to keep this job, and make up for lost time, if you’d be okay with that.” Azaleon murmured. “If you have questions, though, I can do my best to–”

“Will you shut up? Your job? So you think behaving like my servant will make me acknowledge you? I’ve gone this long without a brother, and I’ve repeatedly said I don’t need personal guards thanks to my Cachet keeping me safe. Perhaps Clover would be more appreciative of your act, as badly as she wants a brother? Honestly, I’m annoyed you thought you could keep a secret from me in the first place.”

No– no, he was annoyed about a lot more than that.

He’d also been trying to gauge Azaleon’s reaction. And he didn’t disappoint, eyes flashing a darker blue. “I’m trying to figure out what you want; I thought addressing you as an equal would make you think I don’t respect you.”

“Oh, I’m sure you do respect me, but you’ve shown plenty of disrespect for the king of your country. I want to know if I should be concerned over that; where does your loyalty lie? Because above all else, I act for my people, and regardless of what my personal opinion of him is, I believe my father does the same; you seem to act on your own whims and emotions and try to get what you want through– through threatening him, saying he won’t get anything from you. I don’t know if I can trust that. What if you decide I’m to blame, somehow? What will you do if I don’t want to go along and be friends or– a brother– to you? Will you try to strong-arm me like you did him?”

“No! I don’t expect you to force yourself! I…just want to make sure you know you have people who really care. And I absolutely understand where you’re coming from. You remind me so much of myself at your age, it’s almost scary…” Azaleon laughed, the flash of anger being extinguished quickly.

“You did a great job just not at not answering my question at all,” Aspen pointed out. “Do you think you’re entitled to do whatever you want? Oh boo hoo, you possibly had to make a child then you don’t get to see it, in the very slim chance I would fail at the Quasar Ceremony, which I no longer plan to even go through with! Otherwise, you could do anything, couldn’t you? You wouldn’t need to be tethered to some grander plan, you could live anywhere, do anything, and you chose this? Well, I never got a choice. I have much more reason to resent him than you do.”

Aspen stood up, feeling his face flushing with anger, but he couldn’t stop the words from spilling out. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about this, barely sleeping last night.

“You could have gone your entire life without having to see him, and reaped whatever benefits he would continue to send, could have appreciated the fact you have a kind mother, and a sensible partner, and left me alone. I’m well aware of being a pawn to him– you’ve brought me no grand revelations about what kind of man he is. But I keep it under control, don’t go doing stupid things like you seem to with little to no consideration. Because I have more to consider, more responsibility than you could ever imagine. You are a walking liability to me. Did you honestly expect me to be grateful to you or something?!”

Aspen was almost shouting by the end of his rant, no longer able to sit still and polite. Azaleon’s knuckles were white from how tightly his fists were balled up, but otherwise he looked calm throughout, not tearing his own gaze from Aspen’s.

Azaleon was quiet for far longer than Aspen was comfortable with.

“It’s your choice in the end, of course. There’s not much I can do if you decide to be rid of me. Alouette does need my help; they asked me to host Seiche, so you’ll have to tolerate my presence at least for a while longer, if you intend to end the Quasar cycle. Which I’m glad to help you do, in whatever way I can. After that…well, I hope you’ll change your mind by then.”

“Because you want to be treated as family. To…’help’ me, with no other motives?” Aspen couldn’t keep the suspicion out of his voice. The concept of family that didn’t aim to use him was foreign, and he didn’t trust that at all. “And to that end, you took on the God of War? Out of any of them? You truly don’t have anything else to say for yourself?”

“Is that such a bad thing? It keeps everyone else from having to host him. And certainly does lend itself to my job...”

“Father certainly pushed for me to learn cobalt over the other hues,” Aspen noted. It was the most suited for combat. He had always liked emerald best, though the king never took his preferences into consideration. “I could have just as well handled him, I’m sure.”

“Undoubtedly, but you don’t need to. Er– he’s not that bad. Has been mostly quiet, if you’d believe it, though he did have some things to say when Kuiper tried to argue with me earlier. Very adamant on ‘no take backs’ on the host situation, so maybe he doesn’t mind me so much, either.” Azaleon was almost sheepish about admitting it, rubbing the back of his neck. “If you want to talk to him, he’s willing.”

Aspen sighed, leaning back and looking out the window. There wasn’t a lot he could do about this situation, then, except go along with it.

He’d never had a brother, and he wouldn’t be as attached to Azaleon as Clover was to Juniper. His sister had been kept at such a distance he might as well have been an only child. Then again, it didn’t seem like Azaleon had any other siblings either, the way he was also fumbling at this.

“No– let him stay dormant. It’s fine. It’s not as if I’ve really had much of a say in anything else that happens in my life, anyway,” Aspen muttered, glaring at Azaleon. “We’ve wasted enough time in this town; we should have been in Lacus Mare by now. And if you say he’s already attached himself to you– for whatever reason, since I still stand by the fact you are a horribly unskilled coward when it comes to a fight– then I suppose we’ll have to tolerate dragging you along, at least until Alouette does whatever they’re going to when all of the Gods are found and freed. We’ll have to figure out what to tell Father.”

“Tell? I can continue to keep it a secret, and you can pretend you don’t know any different. I don’t see any point in risking otherwise,” Azaleon shrugged. “But– I didn’t mean to make you feel as if you didn’t have a choice, I didn’t think–”

“No, it doesn’t seem like you think much at all,” Aspen bit out, not wanting to hear pity-filled apologies. There was nothing to be done about it now. Aspen would manage, just as he always had. “That’s such a strange thing to do– to be fine keeping it a secret. You won’t change your mind later? Or want to rub it in his face?”

“You weren’t far off the mark earlier when you said I have little loyalty to him; I also don’t really care to try and blackmail him to get above my station or to get myself in too much trouble. No, I’m fine just where I am, I just–I truly just wanted to help you. I promise I won’t act recklessly or become a liability. I’m just relieved you’ll try and tolerate me, Your Hi-”

“Aspen. Aspen is fine. We share blood for Gods’ sake.”

“Aspen,” Azaleon tried the name out, then smiled. “Okay.” The air was still tense and awkward, a lot left unsaid. But Aspen was tired of talking about this. He’d hoped, secretly, that the trip to River’s would be precious time away from family matters. How stupid he’d been to have hope.

“You will go and make up with Kuiper. I don’t want some lover’s quarrel getting in the way of you doing your job,” Aspen ordered. Azaleon nodded.

“I was planning on doing that– you’ll be fine? If there’s anything else–”

“No. Go,” Aspen said, making a shooing motion with his hand. Azaleon gave an apologetic smile, nodding and leaving him alone finally.

He looked down at the cachet on his hand. Secretly, he’d always suspected it was a curse. Alouette had spun a story that they could break it, and now he had people promising to help them do just that. He ran a finger down it.

He couldn’t decide if he thought Azaleon was a part of that curse just yet.