Alouette

Basal 76th, 1042

After a few days of considerable delay, double checking everyone was fine to travel, and Aspen sending word to his sister reassuring her they were still coming, they got back on the road. River had also told Alouette that she wanted to make sure they were all ‘mentally alright’ before heading out, though they didn’t quite understand why they wouldn’t be.

Maybe things were still tense between Azaleon and Aspen, but they did a good job of hiding it, Aspen still talking down at Azaleon and Azaleon putting up a very polite, professional front about it.

Maybe Kuiper wasn’t speaking to Azaleon much, but then, Alouette didn’t know what was normal between them, anyway, so they couldn’t really say for sure. And they could’ve been talking when Alouette wasn’t around– Kuiper didn’t seem like the most open guy in the first place.

Maybe Clover was still upset at finding out Juniper tried to hide her identity as the Quasar, but she wasn’t in shock over it anymore, at least, and both she and Azaleon were still not imploding from hosting Gods, so Alouette counted that as a win!

It could have been any number of things, or a combination of things that had River worried. Alouette found it all a little confusing. They all still had their relatively decent health– sure, Clover still had lasting hand and arm pains, but now that she had Remedy with her, the God was able to try and soothe it with her power rather than Clover needing to reach for amber Thauma everytime, so wasn’t that more convenient? And Azaleon had made a full recovery from being stabbed thanks to Remedy, too! Best of all, making them into vessels hadn’t killed either of them, like Alouette had been worried about.

They were well on their way to freeing all of their fellow Gods! They were sure everyone would be happy once that happened. Stopping the Quasar Ceremony would untie the mortals from their grim duty of sacrificing their souls, and would fix a lot of problems for both Aspen and Clover, specifically. Once they let everyone know the Ceremony wasn’t necessary anymore, Alouette was sure Juniper would happily come running home. And Aspen’s load would be lightened, if only a little, and he could focus more on training to become the next king rather than focusing on Thauma training so much.

Alouette didn’t want to consider what would happen if they failed, so they chose not to consider it at all. They had always been more of an optimist than anything.

The original plan had been to get into Lacus Mare by going through Northpass Tundra, down to Ephem's Strait and enter through there. Now that they were in Glassview, it seemed the faster route would be to just take a ferry across the Vega River to Fort Celes. It was on the opposite side of Lacus Mare from Moonvale where the castle was; though, it was closer to where Alouette knew Refuge was, a two day trip at most.

They could’ve gotten there faster, had they been flying alone. Traveling with others was novel– riding in all sorts of vehicles like cabriolets and slidebuggies and ferries was, too. They couldn’t help themself from asking all sorts of questions to Kuiper, who seemed the most knowledgeable about how those things worked. He’d never rode in a ferry either, but he’d picked up a book on them and was fine going over it with Alouette for the duration of the ride. Aspen had the nerve to call it a ‘boring conversation’ in passing, and Alouette wanted to weep. It was tragic the prince would never be able to appreciate the inner mechanisms of transportation boats like Kuiper and themself did.

Azaleon had made himself very scarce during the whole ordeal, and Alouette wasn’t overly fond of the idea that the God he was hosting might be stirring up trouble somewhere on the ship– but they weren’t worried enough to seek him out over listening to Kuiper explain the maneuverability of a boat’s stern thruster. Besides, Alouette figured that if Kuiper didn’t seem worried over it, he probably knew where he was and what he was up to.

River had used the ferry ride to give Clover and Aspen lessons about scarlet Thauma. Alouette knew how hesitant she’d been to do that, but she said they might need it, should the Sol or Lunar God try to attack them again. Clover could still apparently use whatever Thauma she liked, even with Remedy with her, and Alouette felt a bit envious. They couldn’t even use Thauma, since it was a gift for mortals only; but then, they weren’t sharing a body with a mortal, and they didn’t like the idea of doing so very much.

Arriving in the neighboring country made one thing very obvious: Lacus Mare was not like Fern Helion. In fact, it was basically its opposite, the same way the Sol and Lunar Gods were twin opposites. The most sunlight they got was for four hours a day, and it was winter here while Fern Helion was in summertime. Though it wasn’t as cold as the Twilight Strip, it was much, much darker. Even the fauna was wildly different, their animals swinging between leucistic and melanistic, but never bright and colorful as Fern Helion’s were. A lot of the flora had been bioengineered to be bioluminescent, offering a natural source of light that didn’t pollute the view of the stars outside of major cities– human eyesight was apparently not so great in low light. There were a number of marvels the people here had engineered to thrive, and a lot of things that were closer to existing just ‘because we could, and it seemed cool’.

One of those such things was fruit that glowed green. Even knowing it was perfectly safe didn’t make Alouette less hesitant about eating it. Clover seemed perfectly content trying as many as she could, since the fruits weren’t sturdy enough to withstand the journey of being imported all the way to Primrose Meadow, and even if they had been, the glow would’ve dimmed in the sun.

Alouette thought the concept of a unicorn-drawn carriage was a much nicer novelty, at least. They were skittish beasts with horns that lit up the path with beams of light, and they whined and jerked away from them when they got too close. Which made Alouette just a tad bit sad. It didn’t seem to matter how much they tucked their wings up under their jacket or hid their eyes, animals seemed to have a sixth sense for their presence.

Birds would let them pet them, at least. Aspen had shooed Alouette away from the unicorns, snapping at them to stop ‘terrorizing them’. They hadn’t even been doing anything! Why in the world did the beasts like crabby little Aspen over them?! Life was confusing and unfair.

The carriage was open-topped at the moment, the weather cool but not too cold for such a thing, and refreshing after the biting cold of the desert. Alouette had grown restless sitting for so long, but River said it wasn’t a good idea for them to be flying around out in the open, so they were walking behind the carriage. River said she needed to stretch her legs, too, so they walked side by side while everyone else was still riding ahead in the carriage.

She’d noticed they’d been avoiding her. It wasn’t as if Alouette had been doing it for any nefarious reasons…they just fully expected a lecture for going and shoving Gods in people’s bodies without discussing it with her, first, and were trying to put that off for as long as possible; and dreaded her asking how they did it– they didn’t know. It had been one of those frustratingly unexplainable things, one that they just knew how to do. They’d known the other Gods wouldn’t be able to do it alone, if they tried to get into vessels. Something about their power of transformation had made it possible.

The way the Lunar God had done it had been too forceful, too unnatural to be sustained.

When they thought too much about it, they felt vaguely nauseous. Something was just out of their reach, at the edge of their memory from the Upper Realm that still eluded them. It was frustrating, because it could very well be the key to understanding the Sol and Lunar Gods’ motives for sealing the Gods and starting the Quasar Cycle, for casting Alouette out…and the key to doing something about that.

Doubly frustrating was that both Remedy and Seiche had been frosting them out, Clover and Azaleon both apologetic on their behalves. They weren’t just ungrateful, Alouette thought they might have been able to handle that, but they’d both been mad.

“Are you ready to talk about it?” River asked. They sighed, hating every second of being right, though not mad at River. They loved humans' endless curiosity, for as much as they didn’t have answers themself.

“Yup, ask away.”

“What will happen when all of the sealed Gods are freed? Have you considered more about what you will do?”

That hadn’t been the question they’d been expecting. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t thought about it, but rescuing the others and warning the Quasars had been the priorities.

“Wing it?” They joked. River let out a soft chuckle, and they threw their hands up. “Honestly, though, I don’t know! I already know the Sol and Lunar Gods won’t be happy; I guess the others will probably want to discuss it at some point, and once we find Fillip, she’ll probably have an idea of what to do, since she’s the most clever God, always good with planning and such…” They shot a forlorn look to where Clover and Azaleon were sitting together, talking about something and laughing. “...But neither Seiche nor Remedy have wanted to talk to me yet. In fact, they were both mad at me. Still are, I think.”

“And why do you think that is?” River didn’t ask it unkindly, but Alouette still cringed, looking down at their feet.

“I don’t know. I…had a realization, when I was with Clover, freeing Rem. I don’t recall my time in the Upper Realm very much. It’s all bits and pieces. There are things I know from that time, instinctually, and then, a lot I don’t. And when she asked me to get her a vessel, I told her this one was custom– but how is that? I am not a God who can create from nothing. Clover was already having enough of a crisis, I didn’t want to prod too much about my own business that, by all accounts, I should know already! But– Remedy kept calling me all kinds of names over it, and I wanted to ask if you know how exactly I happened to acquire a vessel as a child. One that bleeds, one that is– is distinctly alive, albeit made better with my enhancements.” They stuttered out, looking over at her with hopeful golden eyes.

It wasn’t often River faltered, and Alouette panicked when she looked hesitant to answer, a part of them fully ready to backpedal. But then, they really, really wanted to hear River talk about this more in depth, their own curiosity too strong to ignore. It had never been something they’d thought about, until they did, and it was consuming all of their thoughts.

“Did I turn a swamp toad into a body?! Or something like that? It’s okay if that’s the case. I like toads,” they tried to lighten the mood, and it made them uneasy that River didn’t even try to force a laugh or smile at the comment.

“You’ve been thinking about this since freeing Remedy, haven’t you, Birdie?” River asked softly. “I’ve dreaded the day you’d ask that.”

“So you know something I don’t,” they said. “And you let me believe I’d made this body all by myself for this long?” It wasn’t like River to lie. In fact, she was the bluntest, most honest person they knew. She had a lot of knowledge, but she’d always been generous with it. She loved teaching, was good at explaining new concepts.

They couldn’t conceive one single reason she wouldn’t have told them this before now, unless it was very, very bad. She hadn’t even told them yet and they were already charged with guilt, fully ready to lie down in the dirt underfoot of the carriage, letting it roll over their body and squish them as penance.

“...It was an accident. You didn’t know what you were doing. Do you recall me telling you about my old students, from time to time? They weren’t the only ones who stopped at the cabin. Some time twenty or so years ago, I was feeling…well, ill, often. Back then, a great many travelers stopped at my cabin, all seasons of the year. Not a small number of them were handsome or beautiful strangers, and in my youth, I was…familiar with some of them. I shouldn’t have been surprised to find my mystery illness was actually pregnancy.”

“You have a child?!” Alouette, in all of their years with River, had never seen a child– well, they’d be grown up by now, but…how could she hide an entire offspring from them?

“I had a child. They did not live long. They were born too small, too sickly,” River’s voice stuck in her throat when she spoke about them and Alouette felt that strange nauseous feeling in their stomach again. “My fellow Wonderworkers tried to help. The best healers I knew tried to help. And you know me well enough to know I tried my damndest, too. But…they didn’t live to be four years old.”

“I…I’m sorry,” Alouette’s wings had drooped, their head hanging low. “I never knew. So when I came home with you, and you already had that room prepared, was that their room…?” their head snapped up, horrified to realize where she was going with this. They had been asking how they’d come to be in this form, and that had been the story she’d responded with. “River, the body?!”

She hummed in agreement. They felt sick, shaking their head.

“No– no, I wouldn’t have taken that–”

“The day I found you was the day of the funeral; I took you back there, trying to show you to my family, trying to figure out what you were, tangle of wings and light as air. I…thought you were some sort of new species of creature, and that…well, it doesn’t matter what I was thinking. Focusing on you, at the time, was a distraction; I hadn’t been in the clearest of minds at the time. The..their body hadn’t been taken care of yet, and it was as if it was instinctual for you. You were a child; clearly, you didn’t know what you were doing. And when you spoke, you didn’t seem to recall it, and I…I was too softhearted; I didn’t want to upset you. I should have told you this earlier.”

“River…I’m so sorry,” they covered their face with their hands. “Eugh, I just– you let me replace– you had to watch your child be piloted around by me, even now I–”

“Now don’t go assuming what I did or didn’t feel. There was never a moment I didn’t consider you a gift, Alo. I’d had just about enough tragedy in my life at that point– you were my miracle. My second child, a gift of life born from the ashes of one extinguished. I know my little Mauv wouldn’t have minded you at all, sweet as they were.”

“Mauv,” they repeated. “That’s a beautiful name.” They felt suddenly uncomfortable in this body. It had grown to suit them, or perhaps, they thought, it was more apt to think of themself as a parasite that had forced the body to adapt. It was alive, pumping blood and all, but they knew their eyes were entirely gold, not a hint of humanity like Clover and Azaleon’s eyes still shone with. They could never vanish their wings, either, no matter how much they tried to transform them into something easier to hide. Their nails, ears, and fangs were sharper than any humans were, and for the first time, they stopped dead in their tracks, heart leaping in their throat.

“What if putting the Gods in them affects them like this? What if it hurts them, or makes them less human, or what if I can’t remove them, and Seiche gets so mad he rips my spinal cord out through my mouth–”

“Alouette,” River using their full name snapped them out of their panic. She ran a hand across their cheek, and they took a shaky breath. “You’ve already made the choice to do that, and they made their choices to accept it. If problems arise, we will handle them. But there’s no point in working yourself up over it until then, until we know for sure.”

“But–”

“If you’re going to talk about us, you should know ‘ripping out your spinal cord’ wouldn’t be my first choice,” Azaleon said from the carriage. No– not Azaleon, but Seiche, finally talking to them through his vessel. Had they all been eavesdropping, or did the Gods just enhance Clover and Azaleon’s sense of hearing? “Also, the mortals are taking bets on which of them you’re going to try to put Refuge in. I’d say they’re fine with this situation, as lightly as they’re all taking it. It’s very saddening to me, personally, that they aren’t ripping you limb from limb over it, and that they’re all getting along, when they could b– Aaaand that’s enough speaking, thank you for your input, Seiche!” At the end of his little speech, Azaleon shoved a hand over his own mouth. “I’m very sorry, he didn’t tell me he was going to include that last part out loud!”

Clover shrugged from the seat beside him. “...Sorry, but Remedy still doesn’t want to say much. When I try and feel out what she’s feeling, I think she’s probably less mad than she was before. Um, but you know, I really wouldn’t have taken her on if I didn’t want to help, right? Like, even if I wasn’t personally tangled up in all this Quasar and Juniper business, she still needed help. The Gods have always given us gifts and kept us safe. I don’t think anyone minds returning the favor.”

“Clover is right, you know. I’ve already decided I’d like to house Refuge,” River told them.

“No– we can find someone else, you shouldn’t have to, not until we know the risks, or…” they trailed off.

Alouette stopped walking. It was getting hard to see where they were going, the way their eyes were clouding up. Aspen reached over, pulling on the reigns of the carriage to stop it before leaning to where they were stopped.

“So what are the rest of us to you, then? You care so much about River’s well-being, but you’re happy to let the rest of us be your little pawns and containers to your friends?”

“They didn’t mean it like that–”

“And how would you know how they meant it, Clover?” Aspen snapped. “You can all jump into this without thinking, wanting to ‘help’ or whatever, but me? I have too much at stake; even if you’re able to prevent the Quasar Ceremony, I’m not risking an entirely new being getting in my body and doing who knows what to me, that’s too risky when I’m in such a high position. So if you were thinking you’d found just enough people, that we’d all just go along with all of this entirely, you will have to find someone else because I’m not becoming a ‘host’ for anyone, God or not.”

“That’s– that’s fine. I wouldn’t have forced anyone,” Alouette said.

“Really?” Kuiper asked.

“Really, they didn’t force me, they asked and I said yes, I already told you that–” Azaleon cut in.

Oh, that was annoying. Alouette hadn’t expected Kuiper to be upset with them over that, and hadn’t been given any hints that he was before now; yes, maybe they had framed it in a way that made it sound appealing to Azaleon, but only because they had valid, actually appealing points to offer! Azaleon seemed happy to go along with it!

“I didn’t make him not tell you, or ask him to keep it a secret or anything; if you’re having an argument, it’s not my fault,” Alouette huffed. “I’m trying to help all of you–”

“Maybe you’d do a better job if you considered our individual feelings, rather than looking so much at the bigger picture and end results,” River suggested gently. They were shocked she’d say that.

“Oh please, it’s an issue of sensitivity. I hate to agree with Alouette but they’re right, you know, no one forced anyone, and if they’re bad at communication that’s probably on Azaleon for being a secret-keeper in general, since Kuiper is clearly the smarter one,” Aspen added. “I’d sooner look at the big picture too than getting all sentimental.”

As usual, Azaleon wilted in on himself, grimacing. What Alouette didn’t expect was Clover to rear her hand back and smack Aspen on the back of the head. He looked surprised, then angry, standing up in the carriage.

“What was that for?! No one was insulting you!” Aspen shouted. “You and I are supposed to be on the same page!”

“Azaleon has been really nice and all you’ve done is be mean to him for trying to help you!” She said.

“Oh, come on, he's old enough to defend himself, Clover, I’m not wrong, either–” Aspen tried.

“You’re all being stupid,” Kuiper muttered.

Alouette wiped their eyes, and looked at Azaleon who was watching the entire argument with a strangely amused expression. Alouette suspected Seiche was enjoying this, if he knew anything about the God– he reveled in fights of any kind, petty little spats not an exception from that. He caught their eye and blinked in surprise; maybe he had thought Alouette wouldn’t notice. But Alouette liked to think they were observant.

As seemingly a formality than anything else, he sighed and cut into the argument, quickly defusing it. Alouette expected it was more Azaleon doing that than Seiche, but it was actually hard for them to tell.

“You all have valid points. Aspen and Kuiper both are right to be mad, and Clover, I appreciate you trying to defend my honor, but in the future I’ll commit to being more honest. I think we’ve all gotten a little exasperated from being stuck together with no breaks, so maybe when we get to Windeen City we take a little break?” Azaleon asked.

“We already took a ‘little break’ because someone got stabbed. Refuge is all the way down in Horizon Hills!” Alouette argued.

“Then how about you and River go get her, and the rest of us wait for you in Windeen City?” Clover suggested. “Honestly, my mom is probably mad I haven’t stopped by a communications center for a call yet, and I promised her to try and regularly write letters, if nothing else. She still thinks I’m at River’s cabin…I should update her…”

“I think that’s a fine idea.” River agreed. After she said that, Alouette lost their wind to argue further. Even though they still kind of felt mad after the fight. Aspen turned away, signaling for the unicorns to start walking again with a huff and a gentle pull on the reigns.

The tense silence held for the entire ride to Windeen City.